dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
