"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I would fuck him just for his dog
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
