yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
