Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
