im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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