i permit you to call me
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
