Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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