hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
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