Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
