I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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