i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
