She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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