you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
