Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I did not marry a roomba.
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