My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
