i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
