I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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