During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
