I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
