even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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