i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
