Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
