I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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