somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
