i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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