that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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