College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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