Im at strip club and am horny
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
