he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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