why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
