ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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