I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
