I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
