I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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