WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
i think my cat just said my name.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
