Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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