Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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