i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
