drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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