if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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