The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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