Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize