you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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