I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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