After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
