they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
dude. I can hear the air.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
