So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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