College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
