Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
accomplished twins. life is a go
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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