I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize