Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize