u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
