wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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