so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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