Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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