At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
