I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
