he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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