our cab driver is having phone sex.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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