Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
