Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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