brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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