Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
