i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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