Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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