so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
