Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize