Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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