I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
