she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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